Saturday, June 21, 2008

Hard Knock Life

It's hard to be an aspiring author. Especially for me. I love writing and I love reading but I have a real problem with motivation. Some days I really have to for myself to write. It's not a burning desire inside of me. I wish it were. That would be easier. At least in some ways. I hear about other authors who feel the need to write or create. That's not me. I don't know if that's because I have major self-esteem issues or because I'm a natural procrastinator. I don't know. I tell my critique group partners all the time a quote I've heard attributed to Nora Roberts (Queen of Romance). She said (allegedly) "I can fix anything but a blank page." Which to me means, just write, it doesn't matter if it's for shit, you can fix it. If you're a competent writer. Which I hope I am. But of course you wouldn't know that. You've only got one story to judge my writing by but I thought it was a good story.

Now you may ask what brought about this sudden surge of self-examination. Well, I received my first real rejection. It's devastating. One because it was an editor I truly like and admire. I thought we had a connection. Two, it's at a house that I love. I want to get in there so bad and I can taste it. And three, it was a rejection of my actual writing and not just my query. It was a full ms. That sucked so hard. It still does. I can't read the letter. What makes it worse for me is that it was only four sentences. And it didn't mention my writing. She told me that there wasn't enough conflict. That's it. No, I love your writing. I love your voice. I'd like to see more from you later. Nothing. That hurt. But that's the business. I fully expect 100 or maybe 1,000 more rejections before I'm published. It's par for the course.

So, I soldier on. I'll try to look at this rejection as a positive. As a badge of honor. And I will try to avoid blank pages.

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