Monday, December 28, 2009

OMG!! Sorry!!

I didn't realize that it's been a month!! I hate the holidays. Time just seems to slip away. I had a great Christmas and I hope you did as well (or Hanukkah for my Jewish friends). I am back and I bring you the final Man Meet of 2009. A man who has done the impossible and made the name Albert sexy as hell!

ALBERT HOLLIS!

Albert hails from Sacramento, California and is a personal trainer as well as model. I need to get myself to California if this is the way they grow them there.

ENJOY!!

YOU'RE WELCOME!!

LATOR GATORS

Monday, November 30, 2009

Man Meet Monday: Steve Burton

In keeping with my Soap Opera Hunk theme, I bring to you, Steve Burton. Steve has played Jason (Quartermaine) Morgan on General Hospital for more years than I can count. He wasn't always the ripped hunk that he is now. In fact, he used to be quite scrawny. Thank God for free weights!

Anyhoo, Steve is apparently quite the funny guy, performing stand up and is known to be a practical joker, which amuses me to no end because his character is about as emotionless and robotic as you can get. Steve is 39 and happily married with two kids, which is fine with me because he's more of someone I like to look at although my friend Julie would disagree as she wants to eat him whole.

Oh, and I also think he did a spread in Playboy.

Enjoy!

P.S. To those of you doing NaNo, CONGRATS!!! I decided that I couldn't hang this year, with a new job and moving so I'll be doing my own NaNo probably in January. Maybe March.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Man Meet Monday: James Scott

Hello and welcome to my inaugural Man Meet Monday. Just my little way of starting you week off right. What better way that by looking at the some hot man meat. Get it? My wit astounds me.

Anyhoo, many of those who know me would think that I would start this new segment off with the man I fully intend to stalk, bag, and tie up in my basement so that I may so things to him that I am sure would get me arrested, even in France, Gerard Butler. Normally, they would be right but lately I've been into Days of Our Lives (yes, I love me the stories) and a certain hunk that makes me lick my lips every time I see him. James Scott aka E.J. DiMeara.

This man gives new meaning to the word Soap Opera Hunk. He's tall, British, and made of candy. I'm sure of it. It has to be the reason I just want to lick him every time I see him. And he's got this five o'clock shadow going on that I wouldn't mind it abrading the inside of my thighs, my breasts, my... Uh, yeah.

Obviously I think he's attractive and want to jump on him like a monkey on a trampoline. He hails from England and started out as a nightclub promoter. He got his first big break playing Ethan Cambius on All My Children and originated the role of EJ on Days three years ago. And boy, has he been busy. Unfortunately, late he's been more busy out of bed than in it but hopefully he'll get a love interest soon. Oh, and did I mention he's only 30. PERFECT!!!!

Please to enjoy...




Wednesday, November 18, 2009

THE QUEEN IS DEAD!

So unless you live under a rock (or are doing NaNo) you may have read the news that Harlequin has partnered with ASI Solutions, a self publishing press, to create Harlequin Horizons. Harlequin Horizons would offer authors opportunity to self-pub. In fact, the new rejection letter will include a blurb about Harlequin Horizons. I imagine it goes something like, "Hey! We didn't like your story and you're definitely not good enough for us to publish, so instead of us paying you, you can give us money to allow you to publish your own book with minimal help or support from Harlequin. Whaddaya say?"

This officially makes Harlequin, the #1 publisher of Women's Fiction, a VANITY PRESS. As such, RWA has officially revoked their eligibility as an RWA endorsed publisher.

HOLY SHIT!!!

(Pause for the world to end.)

This shouldn't come as a shock to anyone. RWA has long since drawn their line in the sand in regards to non-subsidy/vanity presses (not to be confused with digital presses). RWA doesn't like them and doesn't support them. Period. This has been an ongoing argument in Romancelandia. However, RWA has long remained committed to the professionalism and business of romance authors. Any Joe Schmoe with some bucks can self-pub a book. Not that there aren't many talented authors out there who self-pub for one reason or another. But RWA feels this detracts from the profession.

Are they right?

I don't know. Smarter Bitches than me have blogged about it here, and Dear Authors here, and even fellow Tweeter Kwana here. (P.S. The Smart Bitches have a very Smart response from Malle Vallik from Harlequin.)

I just know that my dream is to some day be New York published. I don't plan on going the self pub way and I hope to keep my relationship with Loose Id who have treated me with so much respect. (Shameless love for my publisher. And editor, Hi, Jana!!!) I don't think less of someone self-pubbed. It's a way to go. I understand the need to get your voice out there. The have your stories read. I also understand the frustration of rejection after rejection after rejection. You can't blame people for taking matters into their own hands.

Nor can you blame RWA for sticking to its gun. Or Harlequin authors for being worried. Although Harlequin author and funny bitch Victoria Dahl put it best when she said "I'm a harlequin author & I feel no alienation. RWA is abiding by their rules. & I've been an RWA member much longer than I've been published."

The only thing to do now is to sit back and see how this all plays out. It was a ballsy move on RWA's part and with Harlequin like the WalMart of Romancelandia, they are sure to have some response.

There's no telling how this is going to shake out. So, grab the popcorn, kiddies! Showdowns like this don't come 'round very often.

Later Gators!

(Added: Another great post at Writer's Beware.)

Friday, November 13, 2009

Guest Blogger: Cari Quinn

Hello and welcome to First Sale Friday! Given my luck with this blog thing lately, it's probably not wise to do this on Friday the 13th. Triskadecophobia is a bitch but we'll soldier on.

Blogging today is Cari Quinn, friend of the Smut and debut author. Cari Quinn wrote her first story - a bible parable - in 2nd grade, much to the delight of the nuns at her Catholic school. Once she saw the warm reception that first tale garnered, she was hooked. She attempted her first romance in junior high, long before she'd ever read one. Writing what she knew always took a backseat to what she wanted to know, and that still holds true today. Cari's genres of choice include contemporary, romantic comedy, romantic suspense, urban fantasy and paranormal. Recently she discovered erotic romance. Oh, how far she's come…


Her novella, Full Disclosure came out last week from The Wilder Rose Press. Check out this cover!


SEXXXY RIGHT!

Anyhoo, let's welcome Cari!


HS: How long have you been writing?


CQ: Hmm, since I could read? All my life, really, but I got “serious” probably about four years ago.


HS: What attracted you to your romance?


CQ: That I seemed to be good at it, LOL. I always liked spicier books, but not erotic romance per se. My CPs, Helen Hardt (I’m pretty sure you know her) and Tara Leigh Coons were actually the ones who helped build my confidence toward writing more boundary pushing stuff. Now I’m not sure I could write a “tame” love scene. I’ve come a long way from the bible parables I wrote in second grade…


HS: It's funny how good we get at writing about sex. Maybe it has to do with our naughty personalities. Or maybe that's just me... How many manuscripts had you completed before you sold?


CQ: Technically three, though 2 of them revolved around the same characters. I keep trying until I get it right. That same book, now titled Baring It All, is at the shop for yet another paint and lube job. Let’s hope the third time is the charm.


HS: 80% of writing is revising. Tell us about the day (the minute, the second) you got ‘The Call’ (or The Email). What was your initial reaction?


CQ: I got “the email” on August 18, 2009. I couldn’t believe it had finally happened. I’d been writing for a while and had gotten used to identifying myself as a unpublished writer. To hear that someone actually liked my work was a bit disconcerting (in a very good way!)


HS: I know what you mean. I felt like Sally Field at the Oscars. "You like me, you really like me!" LOL! What did you do to celebrate afterward?


CQ: Well, I was on vacation from the day job, so I did what a lot of women do to celebrate – I went shopping!


HS: Isn't that always the case! Anyone whom you wanted to rub your news in his/her nose?


CQ: There’s a couple coworkers who’d doubted me that I wanted to crow to, but I resisted. I knew I’d reached a goal (strange thing about goals…reach one and a dozen more crop up in its place!) and that was enough for me.


HS: Another person with more restraint than I. Tell us about your current release. (Please include an excerpt!)


CQ: Here’s the blurb: Thirty-eight-year-old divorcee Holly Burrows has had enough of battery-operated love. Prompted by an ad left at her law office, she investigates Hunk Du Jour, a website designed to foster ‘adult connections’. After weeks of sexy emails and phone calls with surf hunk Kent, she's ready to test their chemistry in person. But first she has to get through lunch with her colleague Alex, a man with a brain as agile as his body. When their consultation ends with a bang, she barely remembers the man she'd lined up for dessert. Now she thinks she's juggling two hot young guys. How can she choose between her two gorgeous cubs – and why do they remind her of each other?


And an excerpt…spicy enough for the readers of Harmless Smut! ;)

She obliged him, cupping his balls in her palm as she coaxed him deep into her throat. Her wet slurping noises echoed in her ears, but she could only concentrate on the feel of him in her mouth. He was so sleek and hard. So impossibly thick. Even another centimeter would be too much.

His salty liquid beaded on her tongue with every suck. She loved the way he tasted and the earthy way he smelled. Sex, soap and sweat. Totally male. Totally delicious.

The pulse between her thighs increased tenfold while she licked every inch of his erection. She didn’t stop until his cock gleamed, jutting straight up from its bed of crisp brown hair.

A beautiful sight. One she fully intended to enjoy.

She pursed her lips and blew again. As the cool air rippled over his hot, engorged flesh, he fisted his hands in her hair, yanking her down on him.Damn, demanding much? He clearly didn’t like slow and leisurely when he could have fast and furious, but she wouldn’t be rushed.

“Like my punishment yet?” she purred, trailing her nails over his sac. She waited until his dazed gaze finally met hers. Then she dove back down, her lips and mouth engulfing him.


HS: WHEW!!! I need some water! Can't wait to read it! When can we get our greedy hands on it?


CQ: Right now, as a matter of fact. ;) My debut release released on Friday, November 6th at The Wild Rose Press Wilder Roses.


HS: YAY!!! Where can we buy your book?


CQ: You can buy Full Disclosure here: http://www.thewildrosepress.com/wilderroses/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_id=737


HS: What are you working on now?


CQ: I just finished Pleasure Principle, the followup to Full Disclosure. This story’s about Jenny, the webmistress of Hunk Du Jour, the online dating site that plays a big role in Full Disclosure. That story and my first Harlequin Blaze, Virgin Territory, are being polished before they go on submission. I have 5 other WIPs in various stages, including my NaNoWriMo Blaze, Heat Lightning. So I’m a little busy. ;)


HS: Just a little... What advice do you have for ‘Soon To Be Published’ writers (as I like to call them)?


CQ: Keep writing and don’t give up. You’ll never know what you can accomplish if you don’t throw in the pencil at the first hint of rejection. Every writer gets rejected either from editors or agents or their peers…it’s just part of the business. But who knows what’s waiting for you on the other side of that rejection if you don’t quit?



HS: That's great advice. You fail 100% of the time if you never try. So now for the good stuff. What’s the funniest or most interesting line in a book you’ve ever written or read?


CQ: I probably shouldn’t use one of my own funny lines, but I can’t help myself. ;)

This is from my WIP, Heat Lightning (and it’s more than one line, oops!)


“Yeah, well, it’s a free country and I can go where I please. And this bitch is a thief.” His mouth twisted into a sour smirk, and Nat had a startlingly clear memory of the last time that mouth had been between her legs.

God, she needed Summer’s Eve, quick.


HS: LMAO!!! That's awesome! So, facial hair or no? What about chest hair? No hair on any part of the body? (For your partner, not you)


CQ: Funny you should ask. Like Holly in Full Disclosure, I have distinct issues with waxed chests. I can admire a nice one, sure, but I’d rather see a bit of hair. It’s a fine line however, because too much hair is as bad as too little, IMO. Furriness has its place, but not in the bedroom! Facial hair’s fine, though I like a goatee/mustache/yummy scruff better than a full beard.


Well there you go! The very funny Cari Quinn. From Catholic school girl to erotic romance author. (Not that far of a trip, actually!)


Now GO BUY!!!!


Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Wednesday!

So I've been really bad about my Wednesday blog but hopefully that will change. I've decided to make some changes at the Smut. Most have to do with schedules.

Mondays will now be Man Meet Mondays. I'll try to start your week off right with some of the hottest men that I can find. I'll kick it off with Men of Daytime. Mostly because I'm obsessed right now with James Scott. Fucking hot ass hell E.J. Di Meara from Days of Our Lives. If you want to look him up before Monday, you are more than welcome!

Wednesdays will be Writerly Wednesdays where I will try to blog about writing, the process, promotion, hardships, anything that catches my fancy.

Friday will continue to be First Sale Fridays. BTW, I've been trying, unsuccessfully mind you, to fix Lynn Lorenz's blog. I don't know what's going on there. I'm still working on it, though. This Friday, debut author Cari Quinn will be visiting the Smut.

You might ask, "What about the book blog?" That's still going to happen. Just not on a regular basis. Just when I feel like it.

So that's it. That's the new format.

What do you think?

Friday, November 6, 2009

Guest Blogger: Lynn Lorenz!

Today Harmless Smut is pleased to welcome multi-published author and funny gal Lynn Lorenz. Lynn writes m/m for Loose ID and others. I don't know if Lynn remembers (probably not) but I met her at RT this year during the ebook signing event. She was lovely. Now without further ado (or cliche), LYNN LORENZ!

HS: First of all, thank you for visiting, Harmless Smut! Tell us a little about yourself.

LL: Thanks for inviting me to talk about myself and my books. I love to talk about anything, really, so you really didn’t have to twist my arm too hard. Just until it hurts so good…ahem. Maybe we should get started with the interview?

HS: I think I can outtalk you but that may be a discussion for another time. So, how long have you been writing?

LL: I’ve been writing since I was in high school, went to college for English and art, but finished with a degree in fine art. I’ve only just gotten back into writing about 4 years ago. In 2008, I published my first novel, The Mercenary’s Tale, with Loose Id.

HS: What attracted you to romance?

LL: Oh my God! Two hunky men who are into each other? Kissing, nibbling, demanding, dominating??? ‘Nuff said. I’d always written strong male characters and they always had this chemistry between them that verged on sexual, so when I finally crossed that line for my characters, it felt as if I’d come home. Very natural.

HS: I have to agree with you. Nothing like the hunks and double the pleasure? WHEW! How many manuscripts had you completed before you sold?

LL: I’d completed, I need to think about this….wait, I have to remove a shoe… 6 or 7 maybe?

HS: Perseverance! I like it. Tell us about the day (the minute, the second) you got ‘The Call’ (or The Email). What was your initial reaction?

LL: Well, it was an email. I read it and jumped up and down. Re-read it and twirled around in my chair. Then I re-read it. And it asked if I would be willing to add more to the story. It made a few suggestions and I emailed back and said let me see what I can do with it. And damn, if they weren’t right. It was a better book when I expanded it.

HS: Isn't it amazing how that happens? What did you do to celebrate afterward?

LL: I went out to dinner with my family. I have a group of friends, and we’ve had dinner together after each of my books has been published. And I have a celebration dinner with my family. Oh, and I have a few other friends and we go to lunch. Hey, I’m beginning to see a pattern here….

Hs: I hear ya. Seems like my life revolves around food as well. Anyone whom you wanted to rub your news in his/her nose?

LL: Sure. There was a woman in my critique group that told me I’d never get published (I had a m/m scene in my vampire book, Warriors At Heart). She also said that no matter what I did, I’d never make Ivan (the vampire) into a hero. Of course, to her, I’m probably not really published since not of my publishers are NY print houses…but I tried explaining that to the IRS says when they asked for their money, but they wouldn’t fall for it.

HS: Little did she know! Women are gobbling up m/m like candy. You were ahead of the curve. Tell us about your current (or upcoming) release. (Please include an excerpt!)

LL: My latest release is Best Vacation That Never Was, from Loose Id. It’s about a guy who’s planning his dream vacation and to get the man of his dreams, only the night before he leaves his apartment building burns down and he’s left literally with nothing. His friends have left, he has no family, no money, no cell phone, no clothes, just the towel he was wearing when he escaped. A hunky firefighter comes to his rescue, and proceeds to give him the best vacation he’s ever had, including the best lovin’ too.

Here’s an excerpt:

Jason rushed through the emergency room doors and straight to the counter.

I’m looking for a guy.”

The admitting nurse looked up from the computer screen and nodded. “Name?”

I don’t know his name.”

Okay.” The helpful look faded from her face. “Do you have someone special in mind, or are you just looking for any guy?”

Someone special. He came in last night. From the fire.”

We had several patients from there. Can you be more specific?” Crossing her arms on the counter, she stared up at him, waiting.

Jason grinned. “He was wearing nothing but a towel.”

The woman’s brows rose. “Seems the towel made a big impression on you.”

You could say that. Look, I’m the firefighter who brought him down and I just wanted to check on him. See if he’s okay.” Jason held out his identification card to prove it.

Sure. How about you go on back, see if you can find him? Wait over there and I’ll buzz you in.”

Great!” Jason bounced on his toes like a teen at his first concert as he waited for the double doors to swing open. They opened outward and he bolted through them.

Quickly walking down the corridor, Jason looked from side to side, checking out the rooms. Almost to the nurse’s station he glanced in the window to a room and halted.

The towel guy sat in a chair, shoulders slumped, staring down at his bare feet.

Jason’s heart soared, then broke at the torn look on the guy’s face. Sorrow. Regret. Fear. It was the fear that made Jason’s stomach knot, made him want to make it better, do whatever it took to put a smile on his face.

He stepped into the doorway. “Hey.”

The guy’s gaze rose. He focused, blinked, and then his brows furrowed as he took Jason in.


Hello. Do I know you?” Troy croaked out.

Oh God. Please say I know you.

A smiling god stood in his door. A dark-haired god in dark blue jeans, and a baby blue polo shirt that clung to each and every muscle in the man’s body. There was something familiar about his blue eyes.

Not really. I’m the guy,” the god said.

Troy swallowed the lump in his throat. The hottest man he’d ever laid eyes on just said hello and Troy was wearing the ugliest hospital gown on earth. Maybe the universe.

Perfect.

The guy?” Troy’s voice was still hoarse.

From the fire. The firefighter on the ladder.” He bounced the toe of his boot on the floor, looking incredibly adorable and tentative, as he hung half in the room and half out of it.

That’s it!” Troy choked, starting a coughing fit.

Hey, take it easy.” The guy came in the room and poured Troy a cup of water from the sink. “Here, take a sip.”

Troy took the cup from him, their fingers brushing. The shock wave rolled through his body and he swallowed hard.

The firefighter’s Adam’s apple jerked as his eyes widened.

Troy took a sip to hide his reaction, then put it on the table next to the phone.

Have you been discharged yet?”

Yeah. All ready to go.” Troy sighed.

Is someone coming for you?” The guy bit his bottom lip.

Troy wanted to bite it for him. Bite it, suck on it, give it a gentle nibble. God, once a slut, always a slut.

No.” Troy shook his head. “I…I don’t have my phone. And most of my friends, well, all of my friends are leaving this morning on a cruise.”

A cruise you were supposed to be on?” The man leaned back against the door looking as if he were going to settle there for a while.

Yeah. A dream vacation.” He frowned. “But all my stuff is gone.”

Shit. I’m sorry about that.”

Troy shrugged. “I’m alive.”

The other guy’s eyes glinted. “Yeah, you are.”

Those blue eyes held Troy captive.

Troy cleared his still sore throat. It hurt to talk so much. “Well, thanks for coming by.”

The guy straightened as if to leave. “I don’t think we’ve been introduced. My name is Jason Cooper.” He stuck out his hand at Troy.

Troy Hastings.” He slid his hand into Jason’s and they shook. And shook. And shook as if neither of them would let go.

Jason took a step back, breaking their connection. “Have you got anywhere to go?”

Not really. Everything I owned, except my car, was in the apartment. I don’t even have the keys to my car. Guess they burned up too.” He coughed from the exertion of speaking.

Jason bit his lip again. “Look. I know you don’t know me and I know we’ve just met, but if you want, you could come home with me.”

With you?” Troy gasped. Go home with a god?

Just until you get on your feet. Get your stuff sorted out, you know.” Jason shrugged.

Troy sat back and exhaled. This wasn’t for real, was it? Was he in some sort of crazy dream? He didn’t know what to do. Didn’t know what to do about anything right now.

I…I…I,” he sputtered.

I’ll take that as a yes.” Jason came in the room. “Are these your papers?” He tapped the folder on the table.

Troy nodded.

Jason scooped them up, taking control. “Come on. Let’s go.”

Troy stood and looked down. “No clothes.”

That’s okay. Once we get to my place I’ll lend you some of mine. I’m guessing we’re about the same size.” He stepped back to let Troy walk past him out the door.

Thank you,” Troy whispered and followed his rescuer down the hall and out the doors of the emergency room as people stared at him.

Hadn’t they ever seen a barefoot man, covered in soot, wearing a hospital gown before?

My car is parked outside.”

They reached the car, a bright red Explorer. Troy barked a silent laugh.

Yeah, I know. Red. Firefighter. Fire engines are red.” Jason shrugged, but it was unapologetic. “It’s cliché, but there you have it.”

It suits you.”

Troy opened the car door and looked at the spotless gray leather seats. “I’m filthy.” He glanced across at Jason through the open door.

No problem.” Jason disappeared from sight, the rear hatch opened, and then slammed shut. Jason reappeared at the driver’s door and tossed a blanket across the console. “Here you go.”

Thanks.” Troy arranged it over his seat and then climbed in, careful not to get any of the soot on the car.

The seat felt so much better than the hospital chair. His body ached and his lungs hurt when he took deep breaths, but the nurse had told him that would go away in a few days. Troy sank back, closed the door, and put on the seatbelt.

Jason started the Explorer and they pulled out of the parking lot.

For one brief moment, Troy thought maybe he was out of his mind. He’d gotten into a car with a complete stranger and he had no idea where they were going.

He glanced across at Jason. What would Carlton say about this?

Have you lost your mind? You don’t even know him! He could be a serial killer!

But serial killers weren’t this nice, were they? Besides, he and Jason weren’t complete strangers. They’d met before. Outside his building. Three floors up.

Troy fell asleep rationalizing his answers to Carlton.


LL: My next two releases are in November, one with Amber Quill – My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys, a m/m novella set in New Orleans about a frisky game of cowboys and Indians, and one from Liquid Silver Books – McCallan’s Blood, a werewolf love story set in central Louisiana, involving the McCallan pack’s alpha, who finds out the girl his brother knocked up is his mate. And he suspects his brother is trying to kill her.

HS: Those sound great. When can we get our greedy hands on them?

LL: In November, like I said. And I have a book in December, from Amber Quill, called No Good Deed, about a Chinese-American police captain who’s bisexual, but falls in love with a gay man.

HS: I'm always looking for a good multicultural romance. Where can we buy your books?

LL: I have three publishers, Loose Id, mostly m/m, Liquid Silver, all m/f and Amber Quill Press, mostly m/m and a few m/f.

HS: What are you working on now?

LL: Right now I’m on deadline to finish the next in the series In The Company of Men. It’s a medieval called Baymore’s Heir. The first in this series was my first book The Mercenary’s Tale. In Jackson’s Pride, we find out if one of the secondary characters from the first book gets his HEA. And in this one, Baymore’s Heir, once again Jackson’s pride gets him and Will into trouble.

HS: I can't wait to read them. What advice do you have for ‘Soon To Be Published’ writers (as I like to call them)?

LL: Well, aside from the usual stuff, like write a lot and edit even more, I think most important is find people you trust who will give you honest opinions about your work. Not “this is great!” sort of stuff, but real, honest, sometimes brutal, critiques about what you’re writing. If all you ever hear is “I couldn’t find a thing wrong with it” or “It’s perfect!” then those aren’t the right people.

My critique partners frequently tell me, “Seriously?” “You’re joking, right?” and my fav, “Were you drinking when you wrote this?” But they’re the best, I love them, and they’ve helped me be a better writer. And I have to say, my critique group has soon to be published writers, agented writers, newbies, and published, and we all write different genres, from inspirational to YA to M/M.

HS: I agree. I don't know what I would've done without my crit group. Okay, now for the fun stuff. Boxers or briefs?

LL: Boxers. When I was first married, back in the Cretaceous, my husband would put on his briefs and then strike all these men’s underwear poses from catalogs. I would laugh so hard I’d cry. And then he’d pull out the pipe (he tried to smoke one instead of cigarettes) and pose with it in his underwear, I’d laugh so hard I nearly pee myself. I still laugh until I cry, but he lost the pipe years ago, so I don’t have to worry about the peeing part anymore, thank God. So now, if I see a pair of those tidy whities, I collapse into hysterical laughter and point. Oddly, not a good thing to do to a man.

HS: OMG! That's fucking hilarious! If you could have sex with one celebrity who would it be?

LL: Just one?

HS: Just one.

LL: This is a fantasy right? It’s like I get to pick the time when I was the hottest I’ve ever been, tight tummy, firm ass, great tits? Flawless complexion? My thighs were like butter, I tell you. Butter.

HS: Focus, Lynn!

LL: Sorry, I digress. So I’m just sitting around the house and there’s a knock on the door and it’s Dermot Mulroney and he’s lost in my subdivision. How he got past the guard I’ll never know, but I’m damn glad he did. He’s here to clean my pool, except I don’t have a pool, but I let him in away. After all, he’s got that long pool skimmer thingy and wearing nothing but a pair of those low-slung baggy swim trunks, the kind you can see the guy’s indentations on either side of his belly below his navel? Yeah, those. *shudder*

Did I mention I look hot? Right. Butter, baby.

Dermont can’t believe his good fortune. I get my checkbook.

One thing leads me to another, and before I know it, I’m looking for a pack of menthols and I’ve got another pair of swim trunks for my collection.



HS: Great choice! And boo on you for making us use our imaginations. Thank you again for visiting the smut. You're kind of demented and I like that. I smell the bginning of a beautiful friendship.

And for you, blog readers, GO BUY!!!!

Later gators.