Friday, November 6, 2009

Guest Blogger: Lynn Lorenz!

Today Harmless Smut is pleased to welcome multi-published author and funny gal Lynn Lorenz. Lynn writes m/m for Loose ID and others. I don't know if Lynn remembers (probably not) but I met her at RT this year during the ebook signing event. She was lovely. Now without further ado (or cliche), LYNN LORENZ!

HS: First of all, thank you for visiting, Harmless Smut! Tell us a little about yourself.

LL: Thanks for inviting me to talk about myself and my books. I love to talk about anything, really, so you really didn’t have to twist my arm too hard. Just until it hurts so good…ahem. Maybe we should get started with the interview?

HS: I think I can outtalk you but that may be a discussion for another time. So, how long have you been writing?

LL: I’ve been writing since I was in high school, went to college for English and art, but finished with a degree in fine art. I’ve only just gotten back into writing about 4 years ago. In 2008, I published my first novel, The Mercenary’s Tale, with Loose Id.

HS: What attracted you to romance?

LL: Oh my God! Two hunky men who are into each other? Kissing, nibbling, demanding, dominating??? ‘Nuff said. I’d always written strong male characters and they always had this chemistry between them that verged on sexual, so when I finally crossed that line for my characters, it felt as if I’d come home. Very natural.

HS: I have to agree with you. Nothing like the hunks and double the pleasure? WHEW! How many manuscripts had you completed before you sold?

LL: I’d completed, I need to think about this….wait, I have to remove a shoe… 6 or 7 maybe?

HS: Perseverance! I like it. Tell us about the day (the minute, the second) you got ‘The Call’ (or The Email). What was your initial reaction?

LL: Well, it was an email. I read it and jumped up and down. Re-read it and twirled around in my chair. Then I re-read it. And it asked if I would be willing to add more to the story. It made a few suggestions and I emailed back and said let me see what I can do with it. And damn, if they weren’t right. It was a better book when I expanded it.

HS: Isn't it amazing how that happens? What did you do to celebrate afterward?

LL: I went out to dinner with my family. I have a group of friends, and we’ve had dinner together after each of my books has been published. And I have a celebration dinner with my family. Oh, and I have a few other friends and we go to lunch. Hey, I’m beginning to see a pattern here….

Hs: I hear ya. Seems like my life revolves around food as well. Anyone whom you wanted to rub your news in his/her nose?

LL: Sure. There was a woman in my critique group that told me I’d never get published (I had a m/m scene in my vampire book, Warriors At Heart). She also said that no matter what I did, I’d never make Ivan (the vampire) into a hero. Of course, to her, I’m probably not really published since not of my publishers are NY print houses…but I tried explaining that to the IRS says when they asked for their money, but they wouldn’t fall for it.

HS: Little did she know! Women are gobbling up m/m like candy. You were ahead of the curve. Tell us about your current (or upcoming) release. (Please include an excerpt!)

LL: My latest release is Best Vacation That Never Was, from Loose Id. It’s about a guy who’s planning his dream vacation and to get the man of his dreams, only the night before he leaves his apartment building burns down and he’s left literally with nothing. His friends have left, he has no family, no money, no cell phone, no clothes, just the towel he was wearing when he escaped. A hunky firefighter comes to his rescue, and proceeds to give him the best vacation he’s ever had, including the best lovin’ too.

Here’s an excerpt:

Jason rushed through the emergency room doors and straight to the counter.

I’m looking for a guy.”

The admitting nurse looked up from the computer screen and nodded. “Name?”

I don’t know his name.”

Okay.” The helpful look faded from her face. “Do you have someone special in mind, or are you just looking for any guy?”

Someone special. He came in last night. From the fire.”

We had several patients from there. Can you be more specific?” Crossing her arms on the counter, she stared up at him, waiting.

Jason grinned. “He was wearing nothing but a towel.”

The woman’s brows rose. “Seems the towel made a big impression on you.”

You could say that. Look, I’m the firefighter who brought him down and I just wanted to check on him. See if he’s okay.” Jason held out his identification card to prove it.

Sure. How about you go on back, see if you can find him? Wait over there and I’ll buzz you in.”

Great!” Jason bounced on his toes like a teen at his first concert as he waited for the double doors to swing open. They opened outward and he bolted through them.

Quickly walking down the corridor, Jason looked from side to side, checking out the rooms. Almost to the nurse’s station he glanced in the window to a room and halted.

The towel guy sat in a chair, shoulders slumped, staring down at his bare feet.

Jason’s heart soared, then broke at the torn look on the guy’s face. Sorrow. Regret. Fear. It was the fear that made Jason’s stomach knot, made him want to make it better, do whatever it took to put a smile on his face.

He stepped into the doorway. “Hey.”

The guy’s gaze rose. He focused, blinked, and then his brows furrowed as he took Jason in.

Hello. Do I know you?” Troy croaked out.

Oh God. Please say I know you.

A smiling god stood in his door. A dark-haired god in dark blue jeans, and a baby blue polo shirt that clung to each and every muscle in the man’s body. There was something familiar about his blue eyes.

Not really. I’m the guy,” the god said.

Troy swallowed the lump in his throat. The hottest man he’d ever laid eyes on just said hello and Troy was wearing the ugliest hospital gown on earth. Maybe the universe.


The guy?” Troy’s voice was still hoarse.

From the fire. The firefighter on the ladder.” He bounced the toe of his boot on the floor, looking incredibly adorable and tentative, as he hung half in the room and half out of it.

That’s it!” Troy choked, starting a coughing fit.

Hey, take it easy.” The guy came in the room and poured Troy a cup of water from the sink. “Here, take a sip.”

Troy took the cup from him, their fingers brushing. The shock wave rolled through his body and he swallowed hard.

The firefighter’s Adam’s apple jerked as his eyes widened.

Troy took a sip to hide his reaction, then put it on the table next to the phone.

Have you been discharged yet?”

Yeah. All ready to go.” Troy sighed.

Is someone coming for you?” The guy bit his bottom lip.

Troy wanted to bite it for him. Bite it, suck on it, give it a gentle nibble. God, once a slut, always a slut.

No.” Troy shook his head. “I…I don’t have my phone. And most of my friends, well, all of my friends are leaving this morning on a cruise.”

A cruise you were supposed to be on?” The man leaned back against the door looking as if he were going to settle there for a while.

Yeah. A dream vacation.” He frowned. “But all my stuff is gone.”

Shit. I’m sorry about that.”

Troy shrugged. “I’m alive.”

The other guy’s eyes glinted. “Yeah, you are.”

Those blue eyes held Troy captive.

Troy cleared his still sore throat. It hurt to talk so much. “Well, thanks for coming by.”

The guy straightened as if to leave. “I don’t think we’ve been introduced. My name is Jason Cooper.” He stuck out his hand at Troy.

Troy Hastings.” He slid his hand into Jason’s and they shook. And shook. And shook as if neither of them would let go.

Jason took a step back, breaking their connection. “Have you got anywhere to go?”

Not really. Everything I owned, except my car, was in the apartment. I don’t even have the keys to my car. Guess they burned up too.” He coughed from the exertion of speaking.

Jason bit his lip again. “Look. I know you don’t know me and I know we’ve just met, but if you want, you could come home with me.”

With you?” Troy gasped. Go home with a god?

Just until you get on your feet. Get your stuff sorted out, you know.” Jason shrugged.

Troy sat back and exhaled. This wasn’t for real, was it? Was he in some sort of crazy dream? He didn’t know what to do. Didn’t know what to do about anything right now.

I…I…I,” he sputtered.

I’ll take that as a yes.” Jason came in the room. “Are these your papers?” He tapped the folder on the table.

Troy nodded.

Jason scooped them up, taking control. “Come on. Let’s go.”

Troy stood and looked down. “No clothes.”

That’s okay. Once we get to my place I’ll lend you some of mine. I’m guessing we’re about the same size.” He stepped back to let Troy walk past him out the door.

Thank you,” Troy whispered and followed his rescuer down the hall and out the doors of the emergency room as people stared at him.

Hadn’t they ever seen a barefoot man, covered in soot, wearing a hospital gown before?

My car is parked outside.”

They reached the car, a bright red Explorer. Troy barked a silent laugh.

Yeah, I know. Red. Firefighter. Fire engines are red.” Jason shrugged, but it was unapologetic. “It’s cliché, but there you have it.”

It suits you.”

Troy opened the car door and looked at the spotless gray leather seats. “I’m filthy.” He glanced across at Jason through the open door.

No problem.” Jason disappeared from sight, the rear hatch opened, and then slammed shut. Jason reappeared at the driver’s door and tossed a blanket across the console. “Here you go.”

Thanks.” Troy arranged it over his seat and then climbed in, careful not to get any of the soot on the car.

The seat felt so much better than the hospital chair. His body ached and his lungs hurt when he took deep breaths, but the nurse had told him that would go away in a few days. Troy sank back, closed the door, and put on the seatbelt.

Jason started the Explorer and they pulled out of the parking lot.

For one brief moment, Troy thought maybe he was out of his mind. He’d gotten into a car with a complete stranger and he had no idea where they were going.

He glanced across at Jason. What would Carlton say about this?

Have you lost your mind? You don’t even know him! He could be a serial killer!

But serial killers weren’t this nice, were they? Besides, he and Jason weren’t complete strangers. They’d met before. Outside his building. Three floors up.

Troy fell asleep rationalizing his answers to Carlton.

LL: My next two releases are in November, one with Amber Quill – My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys, a m/m novella set in New Orleans about a frisky game of cowboys and Indians, and one from Liquid Silver Books – McCallan’s Blood, a werewolf love story set in central Louisiana, involving the McCallan pack’s alpha, who finds out the girl his brother knocked up is his mate. And he suspects his brother is trying to kill her.

HS: Those sound great. When can we get our greedy hands on them?

LL: In November, like I said. And I have a book in December, from Amber Quill, called No Good Deed, about a Chinese-American police captain who’s bisexual, but falls in love with a gay man.

HS: I'm always looking for a good multicultural romance. Where can we buy your books?

LL: I have three publishers, Loose Id, mostly m/m, Liquid Silver, all m/f and Amber Quill Press, mostly m/m and a few m/f.

HS: What are you working on now?

LL: Right now I’m on deadline to finish the next in the series In The Company of Men. It’s a medieval called Baymore’s Heir. The first in this series was my first book The Mercenary’s Tale. In Jackson’s Pride, we find out if one of the secondary characters from the first book gets his HEA. And in this one, Baymore’s Heir, once again Jackson’s pride gets him and Will into trouble.

HS: I can't wait to read them. What advice do you have for ‘Soon To Be Published’ writers (as I like to call them)?

LL: Well, aside from the usual stuff, like write a lot and edit even more, I think most important is find people you trust who will give you honest opinions about your work. Not “this is great!” sort of stuff, but real, honest, sometimes brutal, critiques about what you’re writing. If all you ever hear is “I couldn’t find a thing wrong with it” or “It’s perfect!” then those aren’t the right people.

My critique partners frequently tell me, “Seriously?” “You’re joking, right?” and my fav, “Were you drinking when you wrote this?” But they’re the best, I love them, and they’ve helped me be a better writer. And I have to say, my critique group has soon to be published writers, agented writers, newbies, and published, and we all write different genres, from inspirational to YA to M/M.

HS: I agree. I don't know what I would've done without my crit group. Okay, now for the fun stuff. Boxers or briefs?

LL: Boxers. When I was first married, back in the Cretaceous, my husband would put on his briefs and then strike all these men’s underwear poses from catalogs. I would laugh so hard I’d cry. And then he’d pull out the pipe (he tried to smoke one instead of cigarettes) and pose with it in his underwear, I’d laugh so hard I nearly pee myself. I still laugh until I cry, but he lost the pipe years ago, so I don’t have to worry about the peeing part anymore, thank God. So now, if I see a pair of those tidy whities, I collapse into hysterical laughter and point. Oddly, not a good thing to do to a man.

HS: OMG! That's fucking hilarious! If you could have sex with one celebrity who would it be?

LL: Just one?

HS: Just one.

LL: This is a fantasy right? It’s like I get to pick the time when I was the hottest I’ve ever been, tight tummy, firm ass, great tits? Flawless complexion? My thighs were like butter, I tell you. Butter.

HS: Focus, Lynn!

LL: Sorry, I digress. So I’m just sitting around the house and there’s a knock on the door and it’s Dermot Mulroney and he’s lost in my subdivision. How he got past the guard I’ll never know, but I’m damn glad he did. He’s here to clean my pool, except I don’t have a pool, but I let him in away. After all, he’s got that long pool skimmer thingy and wearing nothing but a pair of those low-slung baggy swim trunks, the kind you can see the guy’s indentations on either side of his belly below his navel? Yeah, those. *shudder*

Did I mention I look hot? Right. Butter, baby.

Dermont can’t believe his good fortune. I get my checkbook.

One thing leads me to another, and before I know it, I’m looking for a pack of menthols and I’ve got another pair of swim trunks for my collection.

HS: Great choice! And boo on you for making us use our imaginations. Thank you again for visiting the smut. You're kind of demented and I like that. I smell the bginning of a beautiful friendship.

And for you, blog readers, GO BUY!!!!

Later gators.


Anonymous said...

Great interview! Loved the excerpt too, you're awesome, Lynn.


Jeanne Barrack said...

Lovely bits, Lynn
And you did ask us what celeb we'd do if we could, so here's mine.
I'm into Antonio Banderas - that accent, those eyes, that tush -- so, since Antonio sings (Broadway "Nine" and Film, "Evita") I have this dream of doing a B'dway revival of Evita with him recreating his role of Che. We have to practice our parts and there's since practice room - rickety couch, piano, soundproof, lockable door...shall we say I hit high notes I've never hit before???

Lynn Lorenz said...

Thanks Red! You're awesome!! No, you are! Really!

Lynn Lorenz said...


Oh sweet mystery of life at last I've found you!!!!

I can hear it now!
And Antonio is a hunk, anyway you slice it.

Jeanne Barrack said...

Lynn, LOL
Didn't know you were a fan of Mel Brooks' "Young Frankenstein"!
My fave of his movies..

Abby Wood said...

Great interview and excerpt!

As for my dream guy. Sam Elliot...older man, gravely voice, and the whole "package." lol

Ava March said...

Hey Lynn -

Fab interview!! "....and I've got another pair of swim trunks for my collection." Another pair?, does that mean Mr. Mulroney wasn't the first fantasy man lost in your subdivision, looking to clean your pool? *G*

As for me, it would be Rafael Nadal, the hot tennis player with the gorgeous muscular bod, showing up at my door with the pool skimmer. ;)

Lynn Lorenz said...

Jeanne, my kids know that movie back and forth, and Blazing Saddles!!

Lynn Lorenz said...

Ohh, Abby. Sam is delicious, in that roughed cowboy way. He can definitely stir me up, esp. when he talks!

Lynn Lorenz said...

Now Ava...I can't give away all my secrets, can I?

Let's just say I have an affinity with the spider - just looking for flies who get lost!!

I don't know Rafael, but he sounds dreamy. I must check him out.

Monica Kaye said...

Thank you so much Lynn for visiting Harmless Smut. Great interview!

Lynn Lorenz said...

Thanks for having me over, Monica!!

Anonymous said...

Hi Lynn!

Loved the interview! I read it out loud to a friend and we both had a bout of giggles!

Now that I know you are funny, you NEED to put more comedy in your stories! (If you don't, that’s ok - I'll buy your books anyway!)

Hmmmm. A celebrity I would do? Does he have to be alive? (oh gawd! Did that sound a bit disgusting? No fear, luv! I may be into kink, but necrophilia is NOT on my sexual resume!)

First who come to mind are Van Hansis, Scott Evan or Buck Angel (but I doubt anyone would know who they are, as the first two are gay soap opera actors and the last is a Trans known in the porn industry as the male with a vagina...)

So, I guess that would leave... (drum roll, please for the lucky guy to be featured in my fantasy…): Anderson Cooper! (That’s Anderson, NOT Alice. BIG difference.) Anderson is that tall, handsome, white haired man on CNN! Whew! I flush at the mere mention of his name. Hold on – got to fan myself. The news has never been so HOT as when he's on...

Do you really want details? Hmmmm. Setting the stage:

I have become a famous, and fabulous, published m/m author, taking the NYC publishing houses by storm and bringing the m/m romance genre/authors to a respectable, and much deserved, status equal to those other romances.

A cool, rainy mist covers the evening streets and I find myself dining in the ultra friendly atmosphere of Monsters, a gay restaurant/night club located in the Village of New York City. The booth is located toward the back of the establishment, making for a more intimate atmosphere.

In front of me, the handsome brown-eyed short but sexy Van Hansis sits, his hypnotic voice washing over me as he chats about his boring day on the set of As The World Turns. Beside him, the bald Buck Angel rolls his eyes and puffs manically on his unlit cigar. It’s apparent he has no use for the actor, especially one who won’t visit a tattoo parlor.

A shadow falls across our table. Thinking it’s the waitress, I begin to order my food, but before I can utter a word, I feel the cold chill of a body pushing his way into my side of the booth.

To my surprise, it’s none other than a hunky Scott Evans, still wearing his police man’s uniform from his acting job at One Life to Live. He begs forgiveness for his tardiness, turning the apologetic smile into a flirty one, the pink tip of his tongue sticking between his teeth. Buck shakes his head, making it obvious he can barely stand the two pretty boys from Massachusetts. He’s a man’s man, even without a penis.

I’m about to ask the guys what we’re gonna do for the evening, when I feel my cell phone vibrate. It's a delightful tingle against a sensitive part of my anatomy and I debate leaving it there. Yet, I really need to know who’s trying to call me this time. Could it be my agent with an exciting book deal from the illustrious Simon and Schuster?

I answer the phone. Indeed, it is my agent, wanting me to hightail it back to Manhattan. I have an immediate interview with a prominent newsperson in room 669 of the Marriott Marquis, located on Broadway.

With regret, I inform my manly entourage my presence is required else where for the evening. Ever the gentleman, Buck leaves to stand in the rain to hail my taxicab, while Van and Scott make quick plans to occupy my time tomorrow night. Within minutes, I find myself traveling in the bustle of NYC traffic, heading toward the bright and colorful lights of Time Square.


Anonymous said...

****part two of three****

Upon reaching the luxury hotel, I exit the taxi, stepping directly into a large puddle of rain water. Damn! Just my luck! Slightly embarrassed, I shake my wet shoes and shrug helplessly at the grinning security guard. I enter the huge lobby and head to the glass bubble elevator, taking a short ride up to the 6th floor. The doors swoosh open and I step out, automatically reading the sign that notes rooms 650-675 are to my left.

Pausing before the red door to catch my breath, I smooth down my rain dampened hair and straighten the collar of my purple polo shirt. A quick breath into my hand reassures my sense of smell that my breath is acceptable. I have no idea who I’m to be interviewed by and I need to be presentable.

Two quick knocks on the door echo in the hallway, as my restless feet bounce my body up and down. I grimace at the squishy sounds coming from my wet sneakers. Unfortunately, this is the time the door opens, revealing to me my mystery reporter.

It is Anderson Cooper.

THE Anderson Cooper.

From CNN’s New York City Studio.

He’s here.

In front of me.

Dripping wet and wearing only a towel!

I finally find my voice. Too bad it doesn’t stay lost.

“…Uhhh, hi. Ummm. I’m Allwynn. I mean, George Allwynn. I’m here for the intercourse… Shit! I mean, for the interview…”

Anderson’s grey eyes twinkle as he steps back from the door, allowing me to enter. “You’ll have to excuse me.” He nods his head, gesturing downward. “I thought I could catch a quick shower before you arrived.”

“Well, you know, New York City traffic. Never can tell if one is gonna b-b-be early or l-l-late” A chill of cold air hits me as I step through the threshold, causing me to stutter.

Giving a slight chuckle, Anderson grips the side of his towel which had begun drifting southward. “Don’t be nervous, George. I’ve had the pleasure of reading your last two books.”

“Really? D-d-did you like what you r-r-read?” I can’t tell if the shivers which run up and down my body are caused by nerves, my cold and clammy shoes and pants, or the excitement of seeing the man before me, almost nude.

*****end of part two - part 3 next

Anonymous said...

Part three of three********

“Let’s just say I’m really looking forward to this in-depth, personal interview,” he says as he walks toward the small bar in the corner of the room. “I like a little one-on-one to take the edge off before we get serious.”

I shiver again, feeling the prickle of excitement center in my groin. Lost in thought, I startle when I hear Anderson’s voice.

“I said, ‘Can I offer you something to drink?’ Scotch? Soda? Water?”

“Do you have anything remotely hot?” I wrap my arms around my body, trying to hold in some heat. “I got kinda wet on the way here. I think I caught a chill.”

Anderson turns, his gaze drinking in my trembling body. Although he tries to keep his expression neutral, the tale-tell twitch of amusement crossing his pale lips tells me he had observed more than my wet lower half.

“What you need is a good stiff drink of rum and...” The deep voice trails off. In a slight daze, I watch the reporter as he reaches for a crystal highball. After pouring a bit of the clear liquor, he purposefully strolls over to me, carrying the air of a man with an agenda.

I take the glass from him, accidently brushing my fingers against his. Instantly, the room begins to glow with a swarm of possibilities. Taking a sip, I feel the rush of warmth flow down my throat and flood out through my system. Filled with liquid courage, I look up into Anderson’s face. “You were saying?”

Anderson raises an guilty eyebrow. “Saying what?”

“I thought you were going to finish your sentence. You said I needed a good stiff drink of rum and…”

Anderson steps closer, his breath registering against my cheek. I inhaul deep, basking in a scent that should be bottled and labeled as ‘Cooper’.

“…and you need to get out of your wet clothes.” He reaches for the glass in my hand, placing it on the end table. Simultaneously, the white towel around his waist gaps open, falling to the floor.

My eyes dart directly to his bobbing erection. There may be snow on the roof, but the furnace was running fine.

Anderson pulls me into his arms. “After all, there is more than one way to get warm.”

Well? What do you think? Not my best work, (I hate first person) but you issued the challenge. I thought I’d shoot for it!

George Allwynn –

Monica Kaye said...

I want to apologize for the craziness in this post. I thought it was just my iPhone and that was the reason hoalf the questions and answers didn't show up but no. I'm working on the problem. And thank y'all for not mentioning it. EMBARASSING!!!!

Helen Hardt said...

So sorry I'm late! NaNo is killing me this month... But I'm here, and it's great to meet you, Lynn! And reading through the comments was half the fun!