Wednesday, April 29, 2009

My RT Awards

So, I thought that I would try to entertain you with my own version on the Romantic Times awards wherein I give out awards in my own ridonkulous categories.

Before I do, I just want to say that I had a blast!  I met a ton of kickass cool peeps.  I gave out my card like candy so I hope that some of them come to visit my blog or the Vixens. 

You know, there's something liberating about being around people who read what you do, not having to justify your reading preference, and being able to meet and hang with authors, people you thought you'd never meet.  Seriously, I doubt that George Clooney would spend a week just hanging with peeps at a week-long conference.  He'd get molested, possibly raped, but that's besides the point.  

And the Award Goes To...

Biggest 'Oops' Moment:
Happened not in Orlando but on the plane to.  Sat next to really nice, good looking guy.  A pilot.  Talked the entire flight (something I never do. Contrary to my bubbly personality, I don't talk on planes.  I don't know you, I don't have shit to say to you, and frankly could give a fuck what you have to say.)  We liked the same movies, TV, humor.  But I neglected to get his number.  Granted, he could have asked for mine but this is the 21st C.  Women can ask men out!

Nicest Author I met:
Hmmm... this is a toss-up.  I met so many great authors who were (mostly) super nice but I have to give this award to Cynthia Eden.  She was just so sweet.  Very polite and very southern belle.  And funny.  She even remembered my name the next day (without reading my tag) and we chatted about her new RS series coming from Grand Central.  Can't wait to read it!

Funniest Person:
Another toss-up.  I wish that I could have spent more time chatting with SB Sarah but again, I need a minute to really warm up before all this crazy lets loose!  I would include myself in this category (cuz I am one funny bitch!) but I'd have to say Kimberly Kaye Terry.  Her comments always had me in stitches!

Most Surreal Moment:
Sitting at a table  at the poolside bar with Jaye Wells, Stacia Kane, Teri Smythe, and others whilst singing Tom Jones, Journey, and other crazy music.  Didn't know I could be so white!

Nicest Surprise:
Jaye Wells.  She was super awesome, funny, sarcastic, my kind of gal.  We were both very relieved that after three years on an online 'friendship' that neither one of us was Crazy Stalker Bitch.  Of course, the 'crazy' is implied but no 'Stalker Bitch' tendencies were detected by either of us.  I hope to see her again.  I loved talking to her.  She makes me snort (with the funny not the coke).  (And, she has my card so a phone call wouldn't be rejected.  Call me!  Oops, crazy stalker bitch alert!) GO BUY HER BOOK.  Red Headed Stepchild.

Most Fucked Up RT Award  Acceptance Speech:
The woman (who shall remain nameless) who took credit for starting an entire subgenre of romance twenty years ago.  This author, still nameless, I've seen interviews with and is what I affectionately call 'Bat Shit Crazy.'  Besides, she doesn't even do it well.  (Still, I hope she never reads this blog because I fear for my life.)

Biggest 'Oops' Part Deux:
So, I'm sitting in the restaurant and look up and happen to make eye contact with a tall, beautiful Black woman.  She smiles at me.  I smile back.  As we leave the restaurant, my friend and CP Tricia and I see her again in the hall.  She introduces herself as 'Leslie'.  We reciprocate.  Then my friend asks her something like 'What do you write?' She answers politely.  She said it was nice to meet us and that hopes to see us later.  The minute she's gone.  I fucking freak out, turn to Tricia and say, 'Oh, shit!  That was L.A. Banks!'  Recognition dawns on Tricia and she says 'And I asked her what she writes!'  Fun stuff.  The upshot is that I got one of her books free from the Goodie Bag room and promptly went out and bought two more.  I'd hope to have them signed but Kimberly Kaye Terry cockblocked me (unintentionally!) and I didn't get a chance before she left Friday.  (Stoopid high school reunion!)

Speaking Of Kimberly Kaye Terry:
Can I just say, I LOVE HER!!!  She is fucking hilarious.  I want to thank her for repping the people of color.  Her multicultural panels are thoughtful and well put together and give us a voice.  So thank you, thank you, thank you! 

Worst Night For Music and Crappiest DJ:
Every night but the Vampire Ball and whoever RT hired.  Thank you, Heather Graham. (I seriously remember a better caliber of music two years ago!)

Luckiest Moment:
Any time I didn't get trampled by a stampede of book hungry Book Sluts like me whenever free books were presented.  

An Added Bonus:
When Shayne put his head on my tit.  Good times!  (Please don't read this Heather Graham.)

Worst Food:
The Faery Ball.  I don't know what that shit was that I ate but I spent hours in the shower washing off the shame of having eaten most of it. I drew the line, however, on the yellowish thing that honestly looked like baby poop.  I found out later that it was creamed corn, cauliflower, and cheese.  (Although, I'm still not convinced that it wasn't first processed through a baby's colon.) 

Best Mission Accomplished:
Getting the ARC of Rapture from Jacki Frank.  I stalked that bitch all week and finally got her last copy.  I yelled so loudly, I'm pretty sure that I ruptured her eardrum.  But I love her!  Thank you so much, Jacki!  

Biggest Disappointment:
The small number of male cover models.  Two years ago, it was like wall-to-wall wang at the RT Convention!  Seriously, there was this one guy there, John, who had the most perfect ass God ever created.  Sigh.  I missed him.  (Note to RT: More dick next year!)

Another Biggest Disappointment:
Not meeting Lora Leigh.  She had to cancel.  I was crushed!  If you haven't read 'Nauti Intentions' stop reading this fucking blog and get your ass to B&N or wherever the hell you buy your books and get it.  Get all her books.  I LOVE THIS BITCH!!!!  Next year, she and I have a date with destiny.  (Maybe I am 'Crazy Stalker Bitch'!)

Another Surprise:
How well Rita Herron can dance the Electric Slide.  She can boogey for an older white lady!  But I have to tell you that hilarity ensued any time group dance movement were attempting to be accomplished.  I'm not saying that white people don't have rhythm...I'm just saying.

Best Dance Moment:
The pregnant woman doing a GREAT imitation of Michael Jackson's 'Thriller' dance.  I hope someone got that on tape!

I could go on but I am a tired bitch!  So much more went on.  Like the funny business at the Mr. Romance competition but I won't go into that.  RT is always among the best times of my life.  I hope to go every year.  Even when it is in Columbus, OH.  Seriously, who the fuck wants to go there.  I talked to someone who lived there and she couldn't wait to leave that shithole.  But I will go because who the fuck leaves the hotel anyway?

Later Gators!


Jaye Wells said...

You make me laugh.

Monica Kaye said...

Thanks Jaye! You, too.

Helen Hardt said...

I grew up in Columbus! Of course, you'll notice I now live in Colorado. Still, I'm going next year.

Tricia Leigh Wood said...

I'm so happy you remembered what happens in Florida, Stays in Florida rule.

I was scared shitless you might let out some of our dark secrets.

I have to agree with all Monica has recapped. We'll go into to further detail later in the week. Don't forget to stop by the Vixens blog.

Helen Hardt said...

Dark secrets? We Vixens have no secrets from each other...

Okay, when I first wrote secrets, I typed "sexrets." What's on my mind? LOL.

Viola Estrella said...

This is hilarious, Monica! I'm so sorry I missed it. :-( Next year! Now, where's the pics??